Grief is a funny thing, it sneaks up on you when you least expect it and changes everything in the blink of an eye. This weekend I experienced just that, Saturday had been a lovely day, spent exploring the local seaside with friends, dinner and a few glasses of wine, then I had the sudden realisation that it was a friends birthday, a friend who has cut me out of her life. In the blink of an eye I had gone from having lots of fun to being unable to stop the tears from falling, I can't tell you why I was upset because I really don't know, but I do know that the pain I felt at that moment in time was very real, I struggled to breathe, my legs gave way and I was incapable of forming complete sentences.
I don't have a lot of experience with grief and for that I am grateful, however at the minute I am overwhelmed by loneliness and crippled with insecurity. Saturday was just another harsh realisation of how vulnerable I am feeling at the minute.
I hate that feeling, thankfully I have only had a handful of occasions where I've felt truly grief-stricken and helpless, but it's not easy to deal with. I am so sorry that your friend has cut you out of their life, people can be so self-involved that they may not even give a thought to how their actions come across to others.
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