I never wanted this blog to become a place of negativity but today I desperately need to reach out for help. As you all know my path to recovery has been treacherous, I have great days and not so great days but I always know in my heart that I am heading in the right direction - however over the last few days I have felt myself losing a grip on reality and now I need help/advice on how to get myself back onto the right track.
Up until this point in my recovery I have been making steady process, sure I have been blinded with insecurity along the way but deep in my heart I have known that things are getting better. Now I have a new insecurity, one that has the potential to destroy me - I have developed a hatred for feeling full, whether that be from food or liquid. I hate the fullness, I hate how it makes me feel and I hate how much I detest myself for being full. I have to be honest and admit that there have been times where I have thought about purging the only reason that I haven't ventured down this path is because of my overwhelming fear of being sick, but the fact that the thought has popped into my mind absolutely terrifies me. I am scared that one day I won't be this strong, that the ED will override me and that I will succumb to this new demon.
So my question to you is how do I move forward form this point? How do I keep myself moving forward and ignore the new demon on my shoulder?
Hey Gemma,
ReplyDeleteHow about trying eating smaller amounts but throughout the day? Kind of like, stop eating before you get full and then maybe an hour/half hour later eat a little bit more. Sometimes I find having full portions on my plate can be... sickening and then I can't eat anymore. I don't have an ED so, of course, my advice is not professional, but it might help with this new demon. My friend has an ED so I know what it's like.
Best of luck!
x